Ep1. Lets Get Men Talking!

G’day guys and welcome to the very first episode of the Mindful Men Podcast. My name is Simon Rinne, I’m grateful that you’ve tuned in, and I hope that you will stick around for many more episodes to come.

The Mindful Men Podcast is all about having conversations about Men’s well-being and men’s mental health. From mental health to fatherhood, to what it means to be a man in today’s society. No topic will be off limits. This show it’s a bit of a mix. It’s my thought bubbles, my struggles, my vulnerabilities and my ideas. And I’ll be looking to explore these with my guests as they appear on the show.

But before we get started, I was hoping you could do me a huge favour? If you love what you hear please smash that like button. Share the episode with your mates, and talk about the things that come up for you. Subscribe to the show and if you could also leave a review and rating, I will absolutely love you for it. Because the more we spread the Mindful Men word, the more ears and minds and hearts we can infiltrate, and ultimately get men talking.

This is what today’s episode is all about; Why I think it’s important to get men talking. It’s pretty simple really. It’s important to get men talking, because we’re not that good at it. In fact, we’re pretty rubbish at it.

Have a think about all the men in the world. Think about your dad, your brother, your husband, or your son. Think about your uncle, or your cousin your mate, your next door neighbour, your boss. It could be your teacher, or doctor. Some men you know. What do a lot of them have in common?

Well, they struggle to open up. They struggle to think of the right things to say, and they struggle to be seen as weak. To admit that something isn’t quite right, and then ask for help. They’ve been told throughout their lives that it’s weak to speak.

And if they do, they’ll be laughed at. Or they’ll be seen as a wuss, or feminine, or weak, or gay, or soft. They’ve been told too many times to harden up. To drink some concrete. To be tough. To stop being such a pussy and get on with it.

And perhaps this used to work? Perhaps it worked for people like our dads, or our grandfathers? Or, perhaps it didn’t, and I’ll come back to this point soon. Now, all of this negativity towards opening up starts from a young age. It starts at home, or school, or the footy club that we’ve joined. It’s in the movies that we watch, or the music that we listen to.

And from this, our boys learn not to cry. And if I do, they get laughed at, or they cry in isolation away from the rest of the world. Over time, the internal struggle becomes externalised, and this starts as soon as the teenage years start. For some, it’s not even until they get into adulthood, and once this happens, all hell can break loose.

Because rather than talk about what’s troubling us, rather than get the help that we need to work through our emotions and find a better way of expressing them, these boys and men they project the hurt outwards. Some men, they get violent. Others get wasted, they get high on drugs, or they drink until they’re drunk. What started as a once every week thing, is now once a night. It’s turned into a form of self-medication. A way to escape and numb the pain. These guys, their relationships they’ve strained, or they’re breaking down. Some men they end up in prison, others commit suicide.

Men’s mental health…

Now, let me throw you a few quick stats to give us some context. Over the last few years in Australia, over 65,000 people have attempted suicide each year, and 75% of those are male[i]. And according to Beyond Blue, the number of men who take their own life each year is almost double our national road toll[ii].

This is interesting, as the road toll has daily news coverage either on TV or radio. But what about suicide coverage? Why aren’t we talking about this? And usually it’s the man who is the perpetrator.

Then when we think globally, the total death by suicide is over 700,000 per year, with twice as many males than females committing suicide[iii]. These figures, they’re huge and they’re astonishing. So why is this happening? Why do men commit suicide?

Well, the reasons are complex and many, and probably too much for this first episode. And what triggers one person, might not trigger another person. But generally, it’s things like stressful life events, or trauma, mental and physical illness, substance abuse, poor living conditions[iv], unemployment, underemployment, even the global pandemic like COVID. The list goes on.

And now, it might be for one of these things, or it might be a whole bunch of these things that tips someone to commit suicide. And one of these things might happen all at once, or they might happen over a long period of time.

One of the main reasons I believe that men commit suicide, is because we don’t talk about what’s troubling us. Us men, we’ve got really good at bottling things up. We’ve got good at hiding things. Why? Well I highlighted some earlier, but it’s because we don’t want to be seen as weak. We feel the need to be strong. We don’t want to burden our family with our problems. We can’t even find the words to tell our mates. We need to be seen to be in control. We don’t want to admit that something is wrong. We need to show that we’re invincible. We need to show it to everyone, particularly our partners, our kids and mates and our peers.

But deep down many of us are falling apart. We’re tired, we’re eating badly. We’re drinking too much. We’ve stopped exercising. We’ve stopped hanging out with our mates. We’re getting lonely. We’re snapping at our loved ones and our relationships are hurting for it. We’ve become de-motivated, and we’re turning to quick wins to show our worth.

Now, for some men all of his anguish, this hurt, it’s all visible. It’s there for all to see. But for others, it’s invisible. We might call them “high functioning”. The ones who don’t seem to be phased by the pressures that are tearing the rest of us down. The ones that keep pushing and are highly successful. But in reality, they’re no happier than the guy with 3 jobs just to keep the lights on at home and food in the belly. Rich or poor, it doesn’t matter. As I said before, we’ve got good at hiding things.

And let’s for a moment think back to our past generations. Our dads and grandfathers. What did they do when someone told him them to harden up, to act like a man, to stop acting like a girl? I’d say they bottled things up. And they also taught their sons to do the same.

Now, imagine for a moment. What if we got good at talking about things? What if we opened up about our troubles, and got the help we needed? Would so many of us commit suicide? Would so many of us get violent? Would so many of us turn to drugs or alcohol?

I don’t think so, and I believe that we can turn things around, providing we talk. We talk during our times of need.

Men’s mental health by Mindful Men.

Mindful Men came out of one of my times in need. Yep, that’s right, one of them. I’ve had many. Now, I’m not proud of having multiple times of need, but I am proud of talking openly about it because if I can do it, so can other men. So can you!

In 2020, I experienced burnout pretty hard. I was juggling a stressful job. I was studying a Masters degree at university, and I was trying to help my wonderful wife bring up two little kids. And don’t forget all the COVID lockdowns too, we went through that. But all in all, I was doing this for about three years when I basically got to a point where I stopped functioning.

Stress became too much, and coupled with my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), my anxiety and my depression, I broke down. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t make basic decisions. I felt tired and weak, and I struggled with my temper. I felt constantly sick, constantly anxious. I felt down, like nothing to pull me out of this hole that I was in.

I ended up taking four months off of work to recover and during that time I did some self-care. Things like walking, running, yoga, Pilates, gardening. Basic stuff. I started creating music again, and exploring mindfulness. I needed professional help, so I got it. I went to therapy every few weeks just to talk things through. I also needed meds. So I got them too.

A few weeks into my recovery, I started thinking about how I could help other people go through what I was going through. How can I use my story to help inspire others? Well, I started the Mindful Men Instagram page (https://www.instagram.com/mindful.men.aus/).

Now at first it was just for me. It was kind of like one of those daily affirmation spaces where I could just post about some energising things, things that picked me up. But it quickly evolved and as the follows and comments came in, I started to believe that I was doing this for more than just me. That I was doing this for men and women across the globe.

And whilst I found there were a lot of people out there advocating for mental health, there are fewer doing it for men specifically. So this has become my purpose. To tell my story with the hope that it inspires boys and men to tell theirs.

It’s now 2021 (December) and it’s been about 9 months since I’ve been back to work. And here I am recording my very first Podcast. To expand the Mindful Men reach to inspire more blokes, and boys, and fellas, and men, and lads to talk. To talk about what’s really going on. To talk about more than the footy scores on the weekend. To talk about more than the same old same old. To actually open up and tell it how it is.

Now I feel it’s important here to highlight that the stories that this show will bring, are not specific to boys and men. Because mental illness happens to all of us. And this is why there will be a few female guests here too. Through the lens of our mums, and sisters, wives and daughters, I believe that we can hear new perspectives of the issues that men face, and this is important because if we see the world through a different lens, we develop new understandings. We see things differently, and sometimes we see them for the better.

This is where the mindfulness of Mindful Men comes into play. Mindfulness to me is more than practicing the practice of mindfulness. It’s also about being mindful of who we are. Mindful of the men that we are. How we interpret the world, and how we can grow to be the men we’ve always dreamed of being; not the men we’ve just become.

So there you go, there are a few reasons why I think we should get men talking. To turn the tide on suicide rates. To lower the rates of violence. To open up, get vulnerable, and be ok with not being ok. To connect with others, and feel part of a community, a genuine one where we care about each other. To normalise talking about our mental health because we already do this about our physical health. And as we do all of these things, to be mindful of who we are. And be mindful of how we can become better, how we can grow.

Well, that’s it. Thanks again for joining me on today’s episode, I hope you liked it. And until next time, stay Mindful.

[i] Lifeline

[ii] Beyond Blue

[iii] WHO

[iv] Black Dog Institute